Separation Anxiety – How to Cope

When it comes to separation anxiety, it’s not a question of IF your child will experience it, but WHEN they will experience it. Once this stage comes around, it can be very difficult to deal with because your child feels like they will never see mom again and you develop overwhelming feelings of guilt.

Separation anxiety can happen whether your child is an infant or a toddler. Even though this is a natural part of childhood, there are some tips to help you cope with leaving your child in the care of someone else. Whether you leave them with the grandparents while you do some shopping, or leave them with a babysitter while you work, these tips will help you get past this stage without too many hard feelings.

It’s very important to keep a positive attitude about everything. Children can sense things easily, so by staying calm, your child will also feel calm and reassured.

Going back to work

If you plan on going back to work, it might be a good idea to have someone come over and stay with your child for small periods of time before your first day of work. This will help your child become used to being in someone else’s care while you’re away. If you leave for an hour or two each time, they’ll soon realize that you’ll always be returning. They’ll also start to feel safe and secure with the person who will be caring for them while you’re working.

You may have to do this even if it’s a member of your own family who will be looking after your child. When you’ve spent every waking hour with your child since the minute they were born, it’s easy to imagine how you’ll both feel when you’re separated.

How I dealt with separation anxiety

In my own experience, it was much easier on us both if I left the house quickly. The more I hung around and watched my daughter cry and tried to console her, the worse it was. Some days I would even sneak out. For the really bad days, we would distract her with a video or a snack while I left.
No matter how I left, I came to realize that it was important that I didn’t cry in front of her. The first few weeks of going to work were very hard on us both, and I would cry easily. This made her even more upset, so I found that when I kept a big smile on my face and sounded very positive, her attitude changed as well.

After a short while, we were going through a routine and I would say to her every time that I would be back soon. Even though she was too young to understand exactly what I was saying, my tone would reassure her and eventually she stopped crying when I left.

If you don’t feel comfortable leaving your child while they’re crying, there is nothing wrong with consoling them. Do keep in mind however, that you may have some late mornings if you do this. And I personally believe that this is harder on the child in the long run. A quick kiss and a hug every morning will give them the comfort they need and they’ll soon come to expect it as part of their routine.

Tips to help your child cope with separation anxiety

In summary, here are the few tips you can try to help ease separation anxiety in your child and yourself:

• Leave your child with their caregiver for short periods of time to help them get used to it.
• Don’t let your child see you cry when you leave. This can send them negative signals.
• Stay calm and always use a positive tone when you talk to your child. Getting angry or yelling will just make things worse.
• Get out the door as quick as you can. Lingering may give your child more opportunity to feel anxious.
• Start a morning routine so that your child will soon come to expect it.

It's Christmas

It was a few days before Christmas many years ago and it looked like it would be a lean one for my family. The saw mill that I was working at had laid a lot of us off while machinery was being repaired so we didn’t have much money. My wife and I had scrimped and saved to buy our young children some toys, but an unexpected car repair had taken most of our cash. We decided then that we could only afford to get one small gift for each of our children.

We arrived at the store and walked down the parking lot past people loading gifts into their cars. I envied them a bit, because it sure didn’t feel like Christmas to me. We hurried into the store past the Salvation army bell ringer with our heads down. I had always enjoyed putting something in his kettle before but wasn’t sure if I could afford to this time. We searched all through the store hoping to find one thing each of our small children would like. Thankfully, we were able to get them each someone sweet. We headed for the checkout, bought the toys, and were amazed that we even had a few dollars left over. 

Every time we love, every time we give it’s Christmas.” It doesn’t have to be a gift of money either. When we give our time, it’s Christmas. When we share our smile, it’s Christmas. When we give others our kindness and compassion, it’s Christmas. When we do anything at any time to help another, it’s Christmas. May you do all you can to make it Christmas every day of the year and every day of your life here. May you always share God’s light through the love you give and the life you live.

Christmas Dinner

Christmas dinner is a meal traditionally eaten at Christmas. This meal can take place any time from the evening of Christmas Eve to the evening of Christmas Day itself. The meals are often particularly rich and substantial, in the tradition of the Christian feast day celebration, and form a significant part of gatherings held to celebrate Christmas.

The actual meal consumed varies in different parts of the world with regional cuisine and local traditions. In many parts of the world, the meal shares some connection with the English Christmas dinner involving roasted meats. 

Christmas dinner in the Philippines is called Noche Buena following Hispanic custom, and is held towards midnight of December 24. This usually comes after the entire family has attended the late evening Mass called the  Misa de Gallo. The centrepiece of the Noche Buena is often the hamon. Other ubiquitous dishes are pasta and for dessert, fruit salad. Most of the food served on Noche Buena are fresh and usually prepared during the day of Christmas Eve.

This focus on the family is common to all Filipino socio-economic classes and ethnic groups that observe Christmas in that most – if not all – members from branch or extended families in a clan are expected to partake of the Noche Buena. Relatives living abroad, especially OFWs, are highly encouraged to return home for the occasion, as it is the most important Filipino Christian holiday of the year. Most families prefer to exchange Christmas presents right after the dinner, in contrast to the Western custom of opening presents on Christmas morning.