When it comes to separation anxiety, it’s not a question of IF your child will experience it, but WHEN they will experience it. Once this stage comes around, it can be very difficult to deal with because your child feels like they will never see mom again and you develop overwhelming feelings of guilt.
Separation anxiety can happen whether your child is an infant or a toddler. Even though this is a natural part of childhood, there are some tips to help you cope with leaving your child in the care of someone else. Whether you leave them with the grandparents while you do some shopping, or leave them with a babysitter while you work, these tips will help you get past this stage without too many hard feelings.
It’s very important to keep a positive attitude about everything. Children can sense things easily, so by staying calm, your child will also feel calm and reassured.
Going back to work
If you plan on going back to work, it might be a good idea to have someone come over and stay with your child for small periods of time before your first day of work. This will help your child become used to being in someone else’s care while you’re away. If you leave for an hour or two each time, they’ll soon realize that you’ll always be returning. They’ll also start to feel safe and secure with the person who will be caring for them while you’re working.
You may have to do this even if it’s a member of your own family who will be looking after your child. When you’ve spent every waking hour with your child since the minute they were born, it’s easy to imagine how you’ll both feel when you’re separated.
How I dealt with separation anxiety
In my own experience, it was much easier on us both if I left the house quickly. The more I hung around and watched my daughter cry and tried to console her, the worse it was. Some days I would even sneak out. For the really bad days, we would distract her with a video or a snack while I left.
No matter how I left, I came to realize that it was important that I didn’t cry in front of her. The first few weeks of going to work were very hard on us both, and I would cry easily. This made her even more upset, so I found that when I kept a big smile on my face and sounded very positive, her attitude changed as well.
After a short while, we were going through a routine and I would say to her every time that I would be back soon. Even though she was too young to understand exactly what I was saying, my tone would reassure her and eventually she stopped crying when I left.
If you don’t feel comfortable leaving your child while they’re crying, there is nothing wrong with consoling them. Do keep in mind however, that you may have some late mornings if you do this. And I personally believe that this is harder on the child in the long run. A quick kiss and a hug every morning will give them the comfort they need and they’ll soon come to expect it as part of their routine.
Tips to help your child cope with separation anxiety
In summary, here are the few tips you can try to help ease separation anxiety in your child and yourself:
- Leave your child with their caregiver for short periods of time to help them get used to it.
- Don’t let your child see you cry when you leave. This can send them negative signals.
- Stay calm and always use a positive tone when you talk to your child. Getting angry or yelling will just make things worse.
- Get out the door as quick as you can. Lingering may give your child more opportunity to feel anxious.
- Start a morning routine so that your child will soon come to expect it.
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